From: Marc Allen [marcallen1987@hotmail.com]
To: Chester H. Cusil [cusil@lagorio.net]
Subject: ...

Your article on France is full of crap. I like the false statistics you added in. I am not French, but the massive majority of the world recognises France as the best country in the world. It therefore has become the top tourist destination in the world, with an unrivalled transport and healthcare system. The food is the best in the world, the economy is fairly healthy and France is the world's second military power nowadays. (After all, since we're talking about France's losses in WW1 and WW2, why not mention the fact that the French... well... only helped America become a country). The sports teams are incredibly good (Davis Cup winners, ex-soccer world champions, Rugby world cup runners up, etc.) and the standard of living is very high. the average wage is enormous and France, with its beautiful mix of races united under one strong flag, is so fantastically cosmoplitan. As you pointed out yourself, when the French noticed the threat posed by the National Front (which has, incidentally, equivalents in EVERY nation of the world), they took forcefulaction and the true opinions of the French were shown in the 2nd round elections, when Jacques Chirac won with a landslide. France, with its elevated status as the world's most envied antion, even has the guts to face up to America and Britain over issues where others are too whimpish to do so. France is a country of stunning beauty and diversity (all of Americas wonders have equal equivalents in France, yet the country is far smaller), welcoming people (the introverts you describe are only found in the Northern Central regions), original culture, art, and has a great history. It is full of things to do, has a fantastic climate (especially down souuth), good cheap cars, the language of love and the greatest city in the world, Paris, plus Nice.

It is, quite simply, stunning. No country could ever come close to being as great as France is. Those hwho criticise it are giving in to their own jealousy. France is like a heaven which distinguishes itself from the rest of the scum of the earth. Most visited country in the world, says it all. I'm sorry you can't cope with the facts. Au revoir petit connard, et Vive la France, le plus beau pays au monde.

Chester's Response:

    I would like to take time out of my busy anti-France schedule to respond to your "criticism" of my "essay".

    The false statistics you speak of are in fact, not completely true, but merely collective speculation compiled by those knowledgeable on the subject. I dare not name name's, as to confuse you. However, since we are on the subject of false statistics, I would like to see the source that gave you the information that the "massive majority of the world recognizes France as the best country in the world." It must come from Fox News, or some other massively reliable news source.

    France is not the top tourist destination in the world. The Great Wall of China brings in more people than France does, but apparently that's not being counted, along with the other destinations that bring in more money than France. France's "unrivaled" transport and health care systems must surely be of the same ilk of its tourism draw. France is no where near the top of of transport systems, ranking significantly behind Amsterdam and Amherst, MA (no. 1 and 2). And France's health care system is merely a rehashing of Canada's, and we all know how well that's doing...

    France is the second most powerful military in the world today, and how can anyone deny it with their successful stints in the past. They only got their asses handed to them by every country on the continent (including Germany before it was even unified). Even in the wars they have won, they have shown tremendous might and courage. I mean, they fought off the Germans for what, 5, maybe 10 minutes in WWII. My God, what a powerful people. Not to mention the success of the French Revolution. Certainly they helped us become a country as well, what with all the fighting they did. Thank Sweet Lord Almighty above they sent over their German Princes to help us.

    I won't even bother commenting on the uselessness of you telling me all the sports championships France won at some point in time, since I don't see what that has to do with a country's greatness. Same goes for the food. Mmm, Snails...what culinary geniuses.

    The standard of living in France is not particularly high, but I suppose I could live as well as I want if I could live off my country's welfare system for the rest of my life. (By the way, the reason the average wages are so high in France is because anywhere from 30 to 40 percent of any workers pay is docked to support the health care and welfare systems, so in actuality, the French make less than, oh, say...Us!) Or even if I did have a job, I could see how my life would be nice as my work week is hours shorter than any other "productive" nation in the world.

    You pointing out how France has many races united under one flag also does little for your argument. You say it like it's some rarity. It's not like the French designed it that way. They merely granted their former colonies citizenship after the rest of the Free World bitched them out of said colonies. Also, I never contested that the National Front didn't exist in other places (by the by, I commend your knowledge of EVERY country's political parties), but France is the only place where the NF has even come close to winning an election. If it weren't for France's 2-election system (the first being a "Here's what would've happened if this were real..." scenario), the NF would be in power right now. Although, I suppose France's political retardedness paid in spades that time. And I'm sure the middle-of-the-road Jacques Chirac, the 80-year old French Reagan, is the true opinion of the majority of French. Thank you for showing me the light, representative of the voting public of France.

    Now, onto the only even possibly relevant part of your letter, France's guts to stand up to America. I can only assume you mean France's opposition to the War in Iraq. France most certainly stood alone in their endeavors, as Germany and Belgium are no longer countries. Also, their opposition was pure and just, solely in the name of Freedom, and had nothing to do with the fact that they wanted to keep their hidden sales of Nuclear and Chemical weapons a secret to the rest of the world. Oh...Wait...

    Also, when did France become the most envied nation in the world? I missed that study too. It must be where they published France as being the best country in the world.

    France's natural wonders are a mystery to me. Although I'm sure your correct in saying that everything in America has a French counterpart. What I do know of French landmarks is quite amazing though. I mean, the Champs-Elysees. Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald certainly didn't make that place famous did they? Of course not, it was the Reign of Terror and the murders it perpetrated that really made it a wonder. And let's not forget the amazing Maginot Lines...I know if I had a piece of historical importance, showing my countries military ineptitude, I wouldn't try to sell it like the French Government is.

    You make many other wonderful points in the last paragraphs however. I mean, if there's one thing the French are known for, it's their hospitality. Their original culture and art is certainly something unique to them. I mean, wow, culture. What other country could put something like that out? Art too. Never has a country exported things like that. The climate is certainly one of the first things I consider when determining a country's importance, considering it is directly dependent on the political culture and dealing's of the country...not where they lie in proportion to the equator. Cheap cars are a sign of a country's greatness as well. Like the Soviet Union.

    You seem to love arguing a country's greatness by subjectivity, don't you? Paris and Nice are the most beautiful cities in the world. That's certainly a concrete argument.

    In Conclusion, your claim that "No country could ever come close to as great as France is," is, quite frankly, bullshit. And those "hwho" criticize it are certainly giving into their own jealousies, as you so lovingly put it. Or could it be that those who love it are simply unwilling to admit their ignorance, mimicking French pigheadedness (another sign of greatness)? My suggestion to you good sir is to go to France, the "heaven which distinguishes itself from the rest of the scum of the earth", and get the fuck out of my country.